Those Times

There are those times. You know?

Times when everything is right, but it doesn't feel that way. When that one, nagging, tiny (but large), and very heavy detail is...missing.

Often you don't know what it is.
Often, if you do know, you couldn't articulate it.
Even oftener, when you do know, you don't have the heart to tell a soul.

You feel like you're going to burst or implode.
Speed up way too fast or slow down way too much.
Eat too much or too little.

Balance seems unattainable.
Equilibrium a dream.
And sanity? We won't even mention that.

There are those times. You know?

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As my fingers type the words, I'm revealing in clandestine way what's going on inside of me. 

The heaviness in you I seem to know so much about? I'm feeling it. 

The sadness you can't explain--and yet, how does that girl know what I can't explain? I'm there.

That unattainbly, unexplainably, unretainably and unbelievably strange...time. And here it is, at least half in words. Your eyes rivet to the screen. How does she know that?

Simple.

I'm here. I'm there. 

What I tell you about yourself I only know because I'm that way too.

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Keys clatter. Eyes scan. Head turns. 

And I sigh. For about the thousandth time today.

Yes, I can explain it. 

And no, I can't.

It's one of those times. And as I write about it, my heart gets heavier and heavier, shrinking beneath a weight, half nameless and half not. Clatter, clatter, clack. Type, type, type...

I'm revealing my class trick. My secret. How I know "everything." 

And as I type those words... "I'm here. I'm there."....

From somewhere I hear it.

Soft.

Gentle.

Sweet.

Simple.

An echo. I'm here. I'm there.

My eyes shift to the ceiling of the office. My heart stills a moment. 

And, with a half-smile inside, I nod. Yes, You are. You surely know all about it. 

But it's not quiet yet. More than just know... I feel it too. 

Flicker of doubt. How? How can You feel this empty ache, when it's probably my just reward? When I've brought it all on myself, when almost all hope is gone, when I see no way to...?

Moment of truth. Because I love you, anyway.

You love me anyway...

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There are those times. You know?