Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Who would I be?

If I had every confidence, what would I say?
If nothing could stop me, where would I go?
If fears had no terror, what would I do?
If I could, who would I be?

If confidence?
I would say that I'm not the person you really think I am, that I struggle with things you probably do too.
I would say that I'm terrified of the future, terrified of what is encompassed in "the end;" that I'm trying to trust, but trust more often looks like avoidance.
I would say that life isn't meant to be lived alone. That God never intended man to be an island.
I'd admit that I feel like an island. That I want above all things to not be lonely.
I would tell people when I loved them. Time and time again.
I'd have no reservations about speaking up for my convictions.
I'd speak the truth--peppery, probably, but seasoned with love.
Yes, all of that. If confidence.

If nothing could stop me?
Oh, I'd go everywhere. I'd explore the hallways of Irish castles and climb bell towers in Italy.
I'd dive through long-lost wrecks on the ocean floor in the Mediterranean. I'd canoe up hidden rivers in Canada and photograph a sunrise from the top of Mount Rainier.
I'd snowshoe in the Alps, ride burros into the Andies, go Christmas shopping in New York, and beach combing in Mexico.
I'd climb the Great Wall of China, live in an igloo for a week, herd reindeer in Russia and clamber through caves in Thailand.
And more. So much more. If nothing could stop me.

If fears had no terror?
I'd try everything. Whitewater rafting, downhill skiing, skydiving, deep sea diving, snake charming. If there were no fears, why not?
Everything. Or at least nearly.

If I could.
Who would I be?

Exuberant. Friendly to a fault. Unreserved and positive.
Colorful and a touch wild. Outgoing.
Kind. Deep. A good listener and a good talker.
Genuine. Transparent. A real Christian.

What would I say?
Where would I go?
What would I do?
Who would I be?


But then.

Why not?