I had no idea

I had no idea.

I knew it'd been there all the time, waiting for me to discover it.

In fact, I only saw it because more of the devil's dirt got cleared from my eyes.

But I had no idea how hard it would be.

To select all those familiar tunes and hit delete.
To look the other way.
To not click on the YouTube icon.
To take less at a meal.
To turn instantly from temptation and sing in your mind.
To choose to be a more worthy steward of God's resources.
To surrender. Like, really.

I had no idea.

I had no idea how hard the devil would hit me with guilt.
How many old mistakes he would bring up on my mind's silverscreen.
How many whispered doubts.
How many excuses.
How many times pride would be stirred up.
How hard he would fight.

BUT.

I had no idea how simple this could be.
I had no idea how liberating surrender is.
I had no idea how amazing it feels to leave excess alone.
To keep my mind stayed on Him.
To trust Him even with the tiniest, silliest things in my heart.
To give Him all...no reserves.

I had no idea.

I had no idea how hard He would fight for me.
I had no idea how strong His arm could be.
How strong His love.
How far He would go to rescue me from myself.
How much power He wants to give me.

I had no idea.

I have a long ways to go.

In fact, I feel a little bit like, now at 21, He's starting all over on me.

But no. He's been working for years. He hasn't given up.
And yet, He's not finished with me yet.

His work is only begun.

I had no idea.

Praise God.