The Post that was almost not posted

I really, truly, and honestly was not going to post something tonight.

I know, I know: So why am I posting?

Boredom? Lack of something to do? ...No. Neither.

I finished out my work day and practically collapsed back into my chair. I was exhausted; mentally and physically, and bordering dangerously on emotionally. When the work is all done, and you know that there's still an endless amount to do the next day; when you're alone upstairs in the office and the only light on is the one by your desk; and when you're tired and drained on top of it, collapsing looks like a good option.

I checked my email. Nothing. I checked Facebook. Nothing. I checked my blog. Nothing. Obviously, I wasn't going to be sitting up here typing for an undue amount of time. I looked at the "Create New Post" button on my blog, and exited the window. I was just too tired, too burned out, too drained to say anything. Too upset, too overloaded. Skip it, sister; it's not worth it.

I sat back in my chair again and stared at my desktop background, and then my eyes randomly wandered to the left of me, where, on my desk, sat my Bible and marking pens and a tiny ruler. I stared at it all for a moment, just blankly. And then the thought occurred to me: "Well, since there's nothing to do on the computer, why not read your Bible?" I paused-- "Lord, I'm too tired to read the Bible."

And why is that? I seemed to have a heavenly question addressed to me.

"You know what all has happened today," I said internally. "I just can't pick that up and read when there isn't any joy to speak of in my heart: Only worry and upset and overload because of everything I need to do."

That's what that Book was written for, you know, the Voice seemed to counter. I inspired all of those words, just so that people like you could read them and find joy... There's not prerequisite to reading My Word.

That's true enough. I looked back at the computer screen once more...and then back at the Bible...and then I lethargically reached out and picked it up and set it on the desk in front of me.

Once you've decided to read, where do you read? That's the next question in my mind every time I pick a Bible up--and God answered it. He suggested that I try reading more of the Psalms that I started in my morning devotions about a week ago and never got back to because of distraction with reading other things. I fought with that suggestion for a moment: If I was going to sit here and read my Bible, I wanted to read something I knew would bless me, not just some random, meaningless passage. However, I decided that reading the next two Psalms wouldn't be so bad, and I flipped open to chapters 3 and 4.

I got to verse 3 of chapter 3 and sat floored; completely taken aback by what I'd read.

"But Thou, O Lord, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head."

Those last 5 words held me riveted to the page. Lifter up of my head? My head indeed literally lifted a moment, and I thought about that. God wanted to lift my head up....down inside me... He wanted to give me joy.

"Lord, that's wonderful. But I still don't have that joy in me."

Keep on reading. You aren't done yet.


The rest of chapter 3 was a strange, soothing calm to my soul--nothing that jumped out and bit me like verse 3--but it seemed to reassure me that God would indeed take care of everything. The last verse said that His "blessing is upon (His) people", and I felt as though it was spoken from God Himself... My Child, My blessing is upon you...


Well, that seemed to be sufficient. I sat back again, thinking about what I'd just read and underlined and noted. But was it sufficient? Really? I felt compelled to lean forward again and read chapter 4, which I did... and ran into something else that made me blink in surprise yet again.

"But I know that the Lord hath set apart him that is godly for Himself: the Lord will hear when I call unto Him." 


And then, down just a couple verses more...

"Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for Thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety."

God has set apart the godly... not for our sakes, but for His? For His sake... not mine... He wants to set me apart. And then, He wants to put gladness in my heart; seeming to reiterate the thought from earlier about lifting my head up and giving me joy. And after that, peace...flooding the soul like a river. That's what He wants to do for me. He has set me apart... And He wants to give me joy, lift up my head in gladness, and then allow me to rest in perfect peace and quiet, releasing the stress, the anxiety, the upset, the worry, the fears, the overwhelmingness of how my situation may seem. All of that gone, and in it's place, perfect peace.

As these thoughts really cemented in my mind, I heard it again.. that Voice that wasn't audible.

I think you have something to post about now, My Child.

I sat back up abruptly, and opened a new window on my Internet browser. Clicking that button titled "Create New Post", I kept my Bible open and began to type...the post that almost wasn't posted.