The Picture Album

4:50. The alarm went off, and I dragged out of bed. In an attempt to wake myself up good so I could help Kezzia and Jessica clean the house, I popped open my Facebook app on my phone.

Right at the top.

Larry Reinecke: "Ronni's mom passed away early this morning after a 5 year slide into dementia. She will be missed."

No. It didn't register. Not for about 30 seconds.

And then. The tears came.

This is the grandma that held me as a little girl, a baby, a teenager.
The grandma that travelled miles and miles to see us when we lived in Redmond.
The grandma that spanked me.
The grandma who fed me junk food and watched movies with me.
The grandma who walked around in jeans and a T-shirt and couldnt've been happier to do so.
The grandma who'd live with us for nearly 3 years.
The grandma who'd recognized me...me...when I visited her in the nursing home and her mind was already gone.

And now.... she was gone.

I've been trying not to cry all morning. A few times it's gotten the better of me... Like when I looked at my picture album.

I have a picture album at home. Probably hundreds of pictures in it: the symbol of a load of time and a load of love from this grandmother I was now struggling to say goodbye to. She put it together so I could remember my life---little did she know that she put it together so I could remember her.

I finished going through that album, sitting on my bed this morning. And it was too much. I hugged it and cried.

I'm not ready for her to go....

But that's the way it is so often in life. Someone comes...stays...and we're often not ready to see them go when it's time.

It was time.

She was ready.

I wasn't.

Oh, I knew it was imminent. I knew it was coming. We all did.

I still wasn't ready.

Goodbye grandma.... I've loved you so much, and always will. Thank you for the picture album. I'll keep those memories sacred til Jesus comes to wake you up.......